a little bit of everything

selamanya.

2009-07-26T14:42:00.006+08:00

hanya kau yang bisa.

dan tak mungkin ada pengganti.

what? don't ask.

don't ask at all.

):

eff you see kay why oh you why oh you why oh you.

2009-07-14T00:15:00.006+08:00

*middle finger*

*middle finger*

ah fuck shit.
bingit gila.

am i, did i?

2009-07-02T23:45:00.000+08:00

i can't recall the whole song but i remember a verse in it which goes like this:

di mana saja kau berada

ku kan tetap bersamamu

walaupun jasadku jauh

namun hatiku tetap padamu

there you go baby. continued a little for you.

11 days. please tell me how i got through?
bunuh aku sekarang. )':

i'm sorry and i really am.

2009-06-21T12:27:00.008+08:00

mervyn: syaz, your eyes are swollen enough. please stop crying can?

i couldn't take it. i broke down repeatedly, badly.
i didn't know you made a huge impact in my life.

i never wanna go through this again.
this is my fair share of downfall, god must have said.
but i need strength.

and buck up your bloody idea, Syazwani.

)':

bitter bitter.

2009-06-08T22:05:00.006+08:00

WE CAN CHOOSE NOT TO BOTHER AND WALK AWAY, RIGHT?

dear diary,

i just wanna tell you that last week was hell for me. this week, god knows. sighhhhh.

oh, last friday, i went into the conference room during lunch with a small pack of sushi in my hand. then, noraidah was like: syaz! finally you're eating!

i can't believe people actually noticed me that much. i'm small whattttt. i don't eat, can see meh? but i wanna be much smaller please.

11 days since we last met. i feel so distant.
aku nak mati.
):

yesterday i cried.

2009-05-24T22:20:00.000+08:00

BUT DOES IT EVEN MATTER?
and i should just delete this fucking blog right?

i believe i was much happier when i smoke.
oh, the wonders of nicotine.
as hazardous as it is, it does keep me sane.
i guess i have to get my own pack of viceroy already.
back to the days, it seems?
well, blame me not.

ahh, don't take me seriously.
i'm just down and out now.
you know?
no, of course you don't.

anddd, i need to cry still.
can lend me a shoulder, anyone?
)):

LILY ALLEN SINGS FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUCH.
IT'S MEANT FOR YOU, TRUST ME.

if you ever know.

2009-05-03T21:25:00.011+08:00

i can't remember the last time that i ate

call someone, i need a friend to talk me down

this morning at close to 7, i took a walk alone. i felt good. i've been wanting this "me" time since ages. the air was really a breather. i'm down and out. the things that are happening around me make me feel like a biggest loser with capital L. i'm drained. sigh. well yeah, whatever happens, happens for a reason. He knows best. and when i pray, He listens and answers.

anddd, because hearing you makes me feel a whole lot better.
you know you did and you always will, right?
till now, i still can't quite figure out why.
i've always needed you this BIGGG much since day one.
sumpah tak mintak jadi macam gini okay? hurrr.
thank you for being there 24/7.
i miss you baby, goddamn much.

mushy huh.
who cares?
say people, say yourself!

argh, triple one somerset tomorrow!
go fuck spider can. )):

hello?

2009-04-27T23:19:00.004+08:00

take me away.

aku bosan.

and i feel horrible.

laugh what laugh huh?

FUCK OFF.

november '07

2009-04-13T18:40:00.006+08:00

because if you recall,

from this day forward...

till now.

the butterflies in my tummy,

they just won't go away.

I MISS YOU.

and i hate this feeling.

it drives me insane.

)):

wtf ftw!

2009-04-05T20:53:00.002+08:00

PRESENCE IS MORE THAN JUST BEING THERE.

at least his words cheered me up a little.

i might as well shave my head.

what on earth have i done now? seriously.

i am very upset but you don't see it.

i hate being left in the lurch.

and you know what i feel like doing?

switch off my phone, get the hell out of here.

get away from people, everybody, everyone.

i need a breather.

god, save me.

i'm tearing, i'm breaking up.

but nobody really gives a fuck.

oh, and you're not helping, are you?

)':

fuck adulthood.

2009-03-28T21:13:00.013+08:00

i've been in a bad state lately. it tires me like mad. i feel like everything i'm doing is going nowhere. every little things that i finally decide to do, i will ponder and ponder with so much negative thoughts and contemplate and procrastinate and god-knows-what. i'm like even losing my backbone. it's crazy, really.

what's worse, i have serious trouble making up my mind all the time.
not helping at all, you know?

no, you don't know.

oh i'm broke.
fuck money.
why do you even exist?
and domestic affairs, i hate them.
mofo.

it's draining.
i need a life guide.
pretty badly.

faggggg, dammit.
)):

of little thoughts.

2009-03-14T18:25:00.016+08:00

one of the hardest things in life

is having words in your heart

that you can't utter.

***

and do you know?

for all the times that

i look out the window

to wave goodbye,

silently, i wish you well too.

hurrr.

2009-02-25T23:07:00.005+08:00

BOGOSHIPDAAAAA.

weeeee.

2009-02-18T23:36:00.003+08:00

my baby's full of surprises.

and i cannot beat that.

happy okay?

*jumps around*

((:

pretty happy.

2009-02-10T22:43:00.004+08:00

daddy and his two girls.

and please excuse my boxer shorts.

heee.

please don't leave me.

2009-01-27T21:50:00.003+08:00

i forgot to say out loud

how beautiful you really are to me.

i can't be without,

you're perfect little pushing bag.

and i need you.

i'm sorry.

take me home.

2008-11-17T15:41:00.008+08:00

while i recall

all the words you spoke to me

can't help but wish that i was there

back where i'd love to be

damm, i miss my baby.

big time.

)):

365 days.

2008-11-02T23:15:00.015+08:00

i think we should rewiiiiiiiiiind

and chat over honey stars.

i would have the sweetest smile

for youuuuuuuuuu,

oh youuuuuuuuuu.

((:

so...

2008-10-05T17:48:00.002+08:00

you don't, do you?

2008-09-06T15:09:00.005+08:00

you know i can't smile without you

i can't smile without you

i can't laugh and i can't sing

i'm finding it hard to do anything

you see i feel sad when you're sad

i feel glad when you're glad

if you only knew what i'm going through

i just can't smile without you

YOU KNOW?

SIGHHHHH.

berhenti berharap.

2008-08-31T21:51:00.005+08:00

aku berhenti berharap

dan menunggu datang gelap

sampai nanti suatu saat

tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita

bila bahagia tercipta

kenapa ada sang hitam

bila putih menyenangkan

who knew.

2008-08-29T22:06:00.009+08:00

so tell me,

what's my worth?

SIGHHH.

glances.

2008-07-13T14:55:00.007+08:00

at the end of the day, i hope it is still you who would sing my favourite song with me.

much missed.

I AM SINCERE AND...

2008-06-22T14:05:00.003+08:00

THIS IS FOR YOU BABY.

demi waktu.

2008-06-16T21:19:00.015+08:00

just maybe,

us and the sunset.

you have two hearts,

one of which you stole.

-anonymous

table 406.

2008-05-04T17:50:00.008+08:00

i'm sorry cousin.

i know you hate this picture.

it's a special request by a person.

nura, happy now?

pizza hut was a blast.

read the May 03, 2008 entry (1.11am) at:

http://heretostay.ebloggy.com/

sorry babe.

i'm too lazy to update.

HAHA.

and i miss you dude.

fuck, i do.

EVERYDAY I FIGHT A WAR AGAINST THE MIRROR,

I CAN'T TAKE THE PERSON STARING BACK AT ME.

i'm my own worst enemy.

2008-05-02T22:48:00.013+08:00

The dork ... Hope is wasted, isolated ... Can't escape the ... endless sacrifice says:
lil' sis~~

syaz. says:
hello.

The dork ... Hope is wasted, isolated ... Can't escape the ... endless sacrifice says:
ehh, you know who i am ahh?

syaz. says:
tsk. chen jian xiong.

The dork ... Hope is wasted, isolated ... Can't escape the ... endless sacrifice says:
lol, how you know sia ... i am using web msn, my pic is not even there -------------> at the side ... you memorize my email?

syaz. says:
but of course lah. i have good memory. geehee! (:

The dork ... Hope is wasted, isolated ... Can't escape the ... endless sacrifice says:
LAWL!!

WTF eh.

everyday i fight a war against the mirror,

i can't take the person staring back at me.

scenes.

2008-04-24T21:24:00.003+08:00

hello.

suck up my life.

i'll play a fool.

HAPPY PILL, ME LOVE YOU.

BIG TIME.

sunset with you.

2008-04-14T22:10:00.008+08:00

well open up your mind

and see like me

open up your plans

and damn you're free

look into your heart

and you'll find love

listen to the music of the moment

maybe sing with me

i love peaceful melodies

it's your god-forsaken right

to be loved

with much love.

2008-03-30T15:41:00.007+08:00

the importance of having the

most important woman in life.

thank you, MOM.

i'm still not quite fine now.

but i'll get by.

and i'll stop crying already.

i love you, and YOU.

kcuf.

2008-03-26T21:41:00.004+08:00

i can't believe it.

but i really wish i hadn't quit you.

in times like this.

screw you all human beings.

i'm so down.

i swear.

nobody said it was easy.

2008-03-24T20:02:00.010+08:00

me, i'm the one you chose

out of all the people

you wanted me the most

and i'm so sorry that i've fallen

help me up, let's keep on running

don't let me fall out of love

running, running as fast as we can

do you think we'll make it?

we're running, keep holding my hand

so we don't get separated

be, be the one i need

be the one i trust most

don't stop inspiring me

sometimes it's hard to keep on running

we work so much to keep it going

don't make me want to give up

i'm way below.

2008-03-17T20:32:00.019+08:00

i'm in dire need of help.

but true to god,

i don't know who to hang on to.

not you, even.

me love.

2008-02-09T01:08:00.000+08:00

you are so damn sweet

that every morning

i wake up i feel like

having you for breakfast

with that smile

on your face

thank you so much,

for every little things you do.

saaaaaaaaaayang sekali.

baby, you'll see.

2007-12-25T20:54:00.000+08:00

just you.

your 60-second calls.

and everything else that matters.

thank you, love.

i've got sunshine.

2007-12-04T21:30:00.000+08:00

whom i curse & swear with.

like no other.

and to my eye candy.

smile for me,

'cause you do wonders.

so we did.

2007-11-13T21:10:00.000+08:00

see the difference?

i've got viceroy as my candle!

and hey lovely.

let's chat over coffee.

if you knew.

2007-10-22T22:13:00.001+08:00

not that i know how to.

but i wish to see you everyday.

oh, mr sunshine.

count on me.

2007-09-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

nobody said it was easy,

and no one ever said

it would be this hard.

keep on going, love.

us, your option.

2007-09-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

look at the stars,

look how they shine for you.

and everything you do.

i came along,

i wrote a song for you.

and all the things you do.

ooh.

2007-08-26T20:22:00.000+08:00

heyho!

am so glad cos some think that

i'm younger than my younger sister.

so, you're telling me that i'm 16 now?

thanks, appreciate that.

anyways, hello new TV.

you're the love.

i can see my number seven now.

so heavenlyyy.

time for some snacks.

okay, till then.

and i miss you, stranger.

eat me.

2007-08-12T03:50:00.000+08:00

aku malas nak layan kau,

kau dan kau.

get the message

and fuck off lah.

lame asses.

okay whatever.

good night, aliens.

i wish you were dead.

2007-08-05T02:24:00.000+08:00

eventually it doesn't

make any difference

to whether i exist or not.

thanks to people like you.

---

i wanna run away

and

say hello to new humans.

2007-07-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

oh baby,

keep my name out of your mouth.

2007-06-30T21:29:00.000+08:00

okay. i went jogging just now. don't ask why so random lah eh. after so long tak lari. it feels good. then again, who would straight away light up a cigg after the run right? many thanks to Izal. okay takpe. so when i reached home right, i decided that i should do something which i should have done long time ago. so i called lah. mcm gini tau our conversation.

me: hello. may i know who's on the line?
that bitch: err. who are you?
me: may i know WHO is on the line? (me, being the stubborn me.)
that bitch: YOU called me, so tell me who are you.

my god, she has the cheek to say that lah sia. i mean i know my home number is fucking private. but please lah. wasn't she expecting things like this to happen to her? pala buto lah eh. sundal peh pompan! so i go on.

me: oh, do you know someone by the name of _____?
that bitch: err.. no.
me: oh really? are you damn sure?
that bitch: ya. i'm sure.

e'eh alamak. by this time, i know she's fucking lying lah. defeats the purpose of her saying that she's fucking sure. mofo betol. so fucking arrogant, i tell you. the way she talk, mcm nak kene sumbat dog's dick kat mulut dier. then..

me: ohh.
that bitch: so who are you?
me: oh, i'm his ________ for your info. (nothing to do with BGR, assholes!)
that bitch: oh is it?

guess what? then she hung up lah. i called her again many times after that. but she didn't have the punani (thanks to Russell Peters) to answer my bloody calls. penakut kaaaaan? ya tuhanku. no idea how many missed calls i left also. i don't know whether to laugh or to cry. i mean, fuck it lah sia. if you think you didn't do anything wrong, then why hang up? you could have explained to me in the first place kan? pukimak tau this lady. kalau tak takut, takkan hang up. bitch betol ar. fuck you okay. i'll make sure you fucking suffer. and if you have to die, i'll make sure you fucking die a tragic death. it won't fucking end here. fuck you okay, fuck you!

god, are men from fucking mars and women from fucking venus or what?! grrr!

okay, bye motherfuckers who reads.
and with this, i know nobody can help.

2007-06-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

oh, fuck you all human beings.

2007-05-27T15:45:00.000+08:00

an excerpt.

---

i miss my friends. taking a year off school is killing me. true that during the year i've met loads of great people. wani and the gang (macam nama band gitu), kai tian, rachel, zack, daorong and cindy.

if i could turn back time, i would wanna go back to my primary 6 year. coz that will be when i wanna study damn hard to get to a good secondary school, and a good jc after that.

the downside to that will be me not meeting people like the pi-family, iskandar, wani. well, maybe we would have crossed path somehow. that is, if we're destined to be friends.

---

oh well, at least somebody appreciates me.
i know nothing until i came across this.
how amazing that i feel so unimportant to anyone.
not like as if they even bother my presence.
thanks anyway.

it's funny how i can tell Wandy this:
"i'm a sad person by nature"
and the next moment, we laugh so loud.
contradicting shiat.

till then.
goodbye dickheads.

2007-05-05T17:48:00.000+08:00

if you're going for good,
please say goodbye.
i hate to miss you for nuts.

---

my cousin keeps saying the wrong things, like this:

cousin: ey, come uh. bored sia.
me: i can't lah. i told you.
cousin: can uh. come in here.
me: huh? come IN here?
cousin: oh no. i mean come here.

me: you going zoo on the 12th? aiyaa.
cousin: ya lah. follow me uh. i pay for your ticket.
me: no lah. let's just go discovery centre on 23rd june.
cousin: that's long ago sey.
me: long ago??
cousin: ey? long way to go lah.

HAHAHA.
do you understand what i mean?
okay nevermind.
only we understand.
:D

viceroy works wonders.
and now that i'm cigg-free,
i'm gonna ask fid for a stick of red.
pretty please, lovelaaay.

2007-04-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

wani. the only person who can understand AND continue my jokes. we'll continue the jokes till it doesnt make sense anymore. saying things on the top of our head seems to be our favourite pastime. right about now, she's one of the few who actually understands and laughs at my jokes. talk about being on the same wavelength huh? :)

-nura

so yeah.
something to smile about.
even more to laugh at.
:D

oh, the other day i ordered mac.
and, i requested for this certain rider.
super cool lah, i got him.
hahaha.

i'll be back on some days.
till then.

2007-04-02T21:53:00.000+08:00

saturday wasn't that ordinary.
god knows why.

sunday is lame.
and forever will be lame.

monday is today.
and today is awebloodysome.
because i saw that i-wanna-sit-beside-you-and-sleep guy in the train.
suddenly the unexciting/uninteresting monday blues turn into monday-something-else.
super awebloodysome.
the only thing i set my pair of eyes on throughout the morning journey to town.
i'll change my specs soon to get a better view.
awesome.

---

hey you.
the best version of a male bitch.
can i put you on display?
it happened too many times before.
you're just ignorant.

---

now, anybody free to follow me to queensfuckingtown?

tell me.

thank you.

2007-03-25T21:30:00.000+08:00

dear you,

i'm in dire need of help.

2007-03-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

N70 - Music Edition - Music to your ears and pocket says:
bedek seh my status

[sYaZzZz] says:
hahaha.

[sYaZzZz] says:
mine also.

N70 - Music Edition - Music to your ears and pocket says:
pain.nek

[sYaZzZz] says:
hahahaha

N70 - Music Edition - Music to your ears and pocket says:
siakens tul ah

[sYaZzZz] says:
sialans.

N70 - Music Edition - Music to your ears and pocket says:
SHIIISSSHHHAAAAA

N70 - Music Edition - Music to your ears and pocket says:
shisyazwani

---

shisyazwani.
how's that for a new name?
thanks to my bugger.

and to you sweetfuck.

i'm not smart.

but i know.

2007-02-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

i'm not gonna sound so desperate anymore.

i have my own pride.

thanks for bringing me this far.

---

Pizza Hut.

3 movies: Epic movie, Norbit, Protege.

Famous Amos.

sticks of ciggs.

SPLENDID.

i love my gf.